Who Am I Really? A Journey of Surrender, Growth, and Authenticity

In the past six months, I’ve experienced a lot of drastic changes unfolding inside me. A few falling outs left me feeling very confused about who I’ve been, what I’ve been choosing for myself, and ultimately, who I truly am.

Interestingly, in a divine alignment of sorts, I ended up seeing Eckhart Tolle twice. It took me back to the question of, “Who am I?”—a question I first encountered in his books years ago. This time, it resonated deeply. I found myself sitting with my ego, leading to a profound surrender. One day, I was crying my eyes out, seeing clearly the person I had been.

I used to be very open—open to anyone and everyone, always willing to help. But over the years, I learned to step back. Helping the right people doesn’t feel like effort at all, but pouring yourself into obligation—into people who drain rather than uplift you—becomes exhausting.

I started to close myself off to many people—not because they weren’t good people, but because I knew it wouldn’t be a good fit for us. It would only leave us repeating the same old patterns. I am here to grow, not to go back to an old story or life.

Attending Dr. Joe Dispenza’s retreat in March, and meditating daily for two to three months since then, really planted something powerful in my conscious mind: the vision to create a future self I wanted—one that would be sustainable.

I feel like I’m in a state of deeper knowing, listening more closely. So many things I never noticed before have now captured my interest. I can see people more clearly now—truly see them.

I’ve always had this ability, but the problem was that I would get deeply involved with these people—whether romantically or in friendships. Now, I understand those dynamics would never work. For those who do kind things yet refuse to take accountability, I can love them from afar, but I won’t allow that energy into my field or space.

They say life is short; others say it’s not—that it’s what you make of it. To me, life feels short because I love living it—and there’s so much more I want to do. I wish my parents and everyone I love could live forever. I’m not afraid of dying, but I do feel a quiet sadness knowing one day I will lose the people I love—and one day they will lose me.

Over the past five years, I’ve become pretty good at setting boundaries—slowly but surely. There were still a few people I needed to release, and letting them go shifted something inside me. It awakened a part of me that had taken a lot of hurt from others because I allowed it. I chose compassion in a way I thought I was supposed to—always putting others first and people-pleasing, even when it felt uncomfortable.

I’ve always been someone who speaks my mind when needed. When I sense disrespect, I leave, and yes, some end up hating me for it. But I’d rather keep it real than lie awake at night unable to sleep.

Delving deeper into spirituality over the last five years, I unknowingly developed another false ego—the idea that I had to be a certain way, that I should be better than this. As an empath, this can feel especially confusing because we often become chameleons, adapting so much that we lose sight of who we really are.

But in the past month or so, I’ve begun to let go day by day—slowly and kindly—allowing myself to come into a deeper place within. Each day, I find myself growing more into the person I want to be, in a truly healthy way. Will we ever fully know ourselves? I don’t think so—especially since, as humans, we are always evolving. If you believe you fully know yourself, perhaps you’ve stopped evolving. As we grow closer to who we are, we learn what no longer serves us and what doesn’t fit—but do we ever truly know the full depth of ourselves?

The more you know, sometimes the harder it gets—but it’s also the path to true freedom.

I hope you all, in this lifetime, come back to your true self and loving soul by being completely honest with yourself.