Understanding Stress and Supporting One Another: What We Can Control and What We Can’t

We often hear about stress in general terms, but not all stress is the same. One powerful distinction is between controllable and uncontrollable stressors. Understanding this difference can help us not only navigate our own lives more skillfully, but also build deeper compassion when we’re in the presence of those who are facing stress they can’t easily change.

Controllable Stressors

These are the stressors we can influence or manage with some effort and support.

Examples:

• Managing our time better

• Getting enough sleep or rest

• Saying no when we need to

• Adjusting our schedules

• Setting boundaries in relationships

Uncontrollable Stressors

These are stressors that are outside of someone’s control and often, they’re long-term, deep-rooted, or situational.

Examples:

• Loss of a loved one

• Chronic illness or pain

• Poverty or unstable housing

• Discrimination or racism

• Being a full-time caregiver

• Surviving trauma

Why This Matters

When we recognize that not everyone has the same ability to shift their stress, we move from judgment to understanding.

Some people may seem disconnected, short-tempered, or stuck but they’re often carrying something heavy we can’t see. These aren't signs of weakness or failure. They’re signs of someone doing the best they can in a difficult situation.

How We Can Show Compassion:

• Be present instead of trying to fix.

• Ask “How can I support you?” rather than assuming.

• Offer patience, space, or simple kindness.

And for ourselves: when we’re facing uncontrollable stress, we can release the pressure to "handle it all." Just making it through the day is enough.

Let’s carry this understanding with us as we move into the next part of our journey together.