Opanayiko — ‘Leaning Inwards’: A Profound Teaching from Buddhist Monks on Inner Reflection and Spiritual Growth

Written by Anandapnyo Bhikkhu

In this practice, we teach ourselves to internalize what we see externally and to find examples in our lives that mirror what we see. When we see others fighting and doing ugly things, we should use them as a mirror for ourselves, instead of ignoring them, making an excuse for them, or criticizing them. It is easy to see the faults and silliness of the actions of others, however, it is difficult and near impossible for most people to see, accept, admit, or acknowledge the faults and silliness of our actions.

For example, in one case, a practitioner in Thailand was upset. She had woken up early and parked her car in front of a bank in a normally crowded shopping center. After finishing her business, she saw that her car was boxed in. She was not mad, because this is the norm in Thailand. It’s customary for people to block in another car, as long as they leave the gear in neutral and the parking brake off. That way, if the blocked car needed to leave, they could just gently push the other car aside. When the practitioner saw the car, she was not immediately mad. She just thought that she would move the car and go home. However, when she went to move the car, she saw that the car would not budge. When she peered inside, she saw that the parking brake was engaged. This made her furious. This meant that she would have to wait until this person got back to move on with her life. No amount of breathing, no amount of chanting or mantras could calm her down. She was ready to explode. She called one of the nuns at our temple and voiced her frustrations strongly.

The nun asked her to practice Opanayiko and try to lead this story inwards, as a parallel to see if she had ever done something like this before. She immediately said, “I have never been so inconsiderate as to block someone’s car and leave the parking brake engaged.” She was sure she had never done this (many might forget that they HAVE done it), since she had only recently begun to drive and her collection of parking experiences was limited and she was certain that she had never done this to anyone before.

The nun then asked her to expand her field of criteria. Instead of trying to find if she had “blocked someone in with the parking brake engaged,” the nun asked the practitioner to expand her scope. What else was the “inconsiderate” person doing to us? The practitioner exclaimed, “he is making me wait for him and wasting my time!” The nun then asked, have you ever done “this” to anyone before.

When the practitioner thought about it, she realized that she makes other people wait for her quite often. Just that morning she told her husband, brother, sister, and son to wait in the car and she would be out in a minute. She ended up taking forty-five minutes longer than she had told them and when she got to the car, she was very embarrassed and they were very angry.

When thinking about this earlier situation where she was not the victim, but the perpetrator, she saw that she had many seemingly valid reasons (to her) why her actions should be excused. She had to check all the doors (no one else would have), made sure no one forgot their lunch, food, wallets, keys, homework, etc. (it was her job). She had to make sure the windows were shut and locked, all water faucets were completely turned off and that the dog had food and water for the day. With all that was going on for her, she felt that a mistake here and there should be forgiven. She then personally and deeply realized that people make mistakes. She also has made and makes mistakes. No one wants to make others wait and then make them angry. No one chooses to forget and overlook things. Rather, it is uncontrollable. Things happen, things get overlooked, and mistakes occur.

While we do not know why this person did what he did — whether on purpose or by accident — we do know that mistakes and situations like this happen. Since people are not all-perfect and all-knowing, mistakes will continue to happen. We do not need to forgive, but rather, we understand this Truth. She felt compassion and understanding for this person who made her wait. She understood the difficulties of being a fallible human in this flawed world. She understood that she herself would never want to intentionally hurt other people or herself. She would never want to set up a situation where someone would yell and reprimand her for something she did. She thought about how much getting yelled at for a mistake ruined her day and sometimes week.

She suddenly felt embarrassed for all the times she made others wait. She clearly understood and accepted the anger they felt towards her when she made them wait. She resolved to try her best to limit the time she would make people wait in the future. She would plan better and take the necessary steps to prevent future occurrences to the best of her ability. Yet, if it happened again, she would not beat herself up, but rather resolve to try again.

So when waiting, instead of steaming and thinking of how she would have told him off, she spent her time wisely and tried to think about all the other times she made people wait and how they turned out. She felt sorry for the people she hurt and felt sorry for herself, finally seeing that she was the cause of her hurt.

So when the man came and apologized for blocking her in, she merely smiled and said, it’s ok, it happens. She felt compassion and loving-kindness for this being. She understood the plight of the human being. She didn’t need to forgive him, she understood him — because she knew that she was no different from him.

If she were to punish him for his mistakes, then she would also have to punish herself for her mistakes, which she is generally unwilling to do. So, if I get a pass, then so do you.

This practice of Opanayiko is the practice of understanding others through understanding yourself. When you see you are no different than others, then you feel compassion for them, because you already feel compassion for yourself.

In another case, a young woman could never fully appreciate her mother or what her mother did for her. No matter how much she meditated and chanted, she could not get over the things
she felt her mother did to her, the mean things her mother said to her, nor the bad decisions her mother made.

Then one day, the young woman gave birth to a baby girl. Every night she would cry and thank her mother softly while caring for her daughter. She never realized all the things her mother did for her or all the things her mother sacrificed for her to raise her. She finally knew, because she was going through essentially the same things her mother had. She now had perspective. She now had understanding. She now had appreciation and love for her mother.

This is an example of lite forcing us to Opanayiko. However, if we wait for life to hand deliver parallels so that we can learn, it might be too late.

This is why the Buddha taught us to practice cultivating our wisdom (pañña). Wisdom can lead to compassion and understanding.

By merely trying to chant or force compassion, we are trying to generate a result without first creating the proper cause. We want a sexy body without eating properly and exercising. We want to be rich without working or sacrificing. We want love without having to do anything. This is not how things work. This world works based on cause and effect. Make the cause, receive the effect.

Therefore, by practicing compassion, loving-kindness and good-will through meditating, chanting or breathing, we are trying to force our souls to feel compassion. Instead, we should practice Opanayiko to give our souls and minds a reason to understand why we should be compassionate and have good will towards others.