A Deep Reflection: The Way You Treat Yourself Shapes Your Entire Outer World

There was a girl I’ve known since my 20s. For years, something about our interactions unsettled me—I often felt gaslit. While I spoke up about it in the early years, in the last 3–4 years I stayed quiet. I’d been learning about mirroring and compassion, and I wanted to practice self-reflection instead of reacting.

I’ve also felt moments of gaslighting in my romantic relationship. 

Three weeks ago, this same friend made a comment that really triggered me. It happened right before my trip to Maui, and I carried that heavy energy with me throughout the trip.

Eventually, I decided to write her a respectful message expressing how I felt. After sending it, I initially felt proud for finally standing up for myself. But shortly after... I felt guilty.

As empaths, we often feel guilty for speaking our truth—worried we’ve hurt someone or overreacted. We tend to second-guess our feelings, especially if we’re around certain personalities. Even if someone hasn’t treated us well, we look for the good in them. We tell ourselves, “Well, they’ve done nice things,” and dismiss our deeper feelings.

This past weekend, I took a solo trip to the desert and had a powerful realization during a conversation with a friend: I had been gaslighting myself for years!

Ever since diving into practices like mirroring and attending Buddhist retreats, I adopted the belief that I needed to stay peaceful and just self-reflect. But in the process, I began silencing myself. I stopped standing up for what I truly felt. I confused spiritual bypassing for compassion—and ended up invalidating my own truth.

No wonder I kept seeing this pattern reflected in my outer world.

Another layer to this: if we’re gaslighting ourselves, there’s a chance we’ve unconsciously gaslit others too. What’s inside us often gets projected outward.

So if something triggers you or stirs anger, take a moment to check in with yourself to see how you have been treating your own self and others?

If I had realized I was gaslighting myself, she would’ve just naturally faded from my life—no confrontation needed—because the lesson would’ve already been learned within me. 

Just wanted to share this in case it helps someone else who’s been walking the same path or perhaps this can help someone.