The Compassion Beneath the Surface: Lessons from the Kardashians
We’ve all heard the phrase “Don’t judge a book by its cover.” It’s a saying that’s stood the test of time—because, truthfully, most of us do it more often than we’d like to admit. I know I have, and I’ve been on the receiving end of it too.
I’ve been watching Keeping Up with the Kardashians since the early seasons, although I missed a few along the way. Recently, on a flight to and from Hawaii, I found myself binging the latest season on Hulu. I believe that the things we’re drawn to—shows, books, conversations—often reflect something about where we are in our lives. And for some reason, without thinking twice, I skipped everything in between and went straight to the most recent season.
Watching them now—older, more grounded—I saw something deeper. I saw growth. Not the kind you always notice on the outside, but real, emotional, hard-earned growth.
It’s easy to make assumptions about people in the spotlight. From the outside, all we tend to see is glamour, wealth, drama. But what I’ve always appreciated about the Kardashians—and about reality TV in general—is the humanity underneath the surface. The vulnerability. The parts of people we don’t often get to see. I saw women who have grown up under relentless public scrutiny, who’ve faced heartbreak, loss, and judgment—and somehow, through it all, they’ve cultivated a quiet, steady resilience.
What stood out to me most in this season was how much compassion they show—not just to others, but to themselves. That’s something we often overlook.
It reminded me of a moment from a Buddhist retreat I once attended. The monk guiding us led an exercise where we were asked to reflect on one powerful question: “What’s your evil?” At first, it felt jarring. But the purpose wasn’t to shame or criticize—it was to acknowledge that each of us carries something we’re not proud of. Whether it’s a small lie, a regret, or a deeply buried insecurity, we all have our shadows.
What that experience taught me—and what I saw mirrored in the Kardashians’ stories—is that our harshest judgments often stem from within. We tend to criticize in others what we haven’t yet come to terms with in ourselves. And when I watched them navigate their own challenges—balancing motherhood, relationships, business, and self-identity—I saw them wrestling not only with public perception, but with their own inner narratives.
One of the most striking things is how the Kardashians have put their egos aside for the sake of their children’s relationships with their father. When it comes to family or community, you can’t let your own ego get in the way of the bigger picture. There’s so much maturity in being able to put personal grievances aside for the good of everyone involved. It’s not easy, but it’s necessary for growth. Choosing the well-being of the collective over your own personal need to be "right"—that, to me, is the essence of true compassion.
That’s where real compassion begins. It’s not soft, weak, or passive. It’s strong, honest, and brave. Compassion is seeing things as they really are—not just from your own perspective, but with openness to someone else’s. It doesn’t mean tolerating unhealthy patterns or losing yourself in someone else's pain. It means loving yourself enough to be honest, and loving others enough to meet them where they are.
The reason I started writing and sharing my thoughts wasn’t just to offer others a different perspective—but also to challenge my own. I wanted to widen my view, especially in the midst of the noise and chaos of everyday life. Writing allows me to step back and see things from a more expansive angle—whether it’s about my own journey or the experiences of others. In a world where it's so easy to judge and feel boxed in, the act of putting my thoughts out there has helped me see more clearly, both within myself and in the world around me.
I watch the Kardashians for the human story underneath - the raw, messy, and beautiful unfolding of what it means to grow.
Next time you find yourself judging someone—whether it's a celebrity on screen or someone in your everyday life—pause. Ask yourself: What might be going on beneath the surface? And even more importantly, What might be going on within me?
Because sometimes, the book you thought you'd never open might just help you understand your own story a little more deeply.
With much love and appreciation for the Kardashians—not only for keeping us entertained, but for showing us the humanness in all of it while we all navigate our lives as is.